Call Us Up
by YonderB
Summary: Oneshot. AU. Leon and Cloud work on the radio. Yuffie asks "Why don't you guys get together?" Everything just goes weird from there. No pairings.


"Why don't you guys get together?" Yuffie piped up.

The two males in question looked at each other with blank expressions. Cloud just blinked, and Leon raised an eyebrow.

There was an extended period of ringing silence.

... Right up to the moment where Cloud snorted in a very undignified way, and Leon threw his head back with a bark of laughter.

The two of them soon dissolved into howls, clutching their sides, tears streaming down their faces. People passing the radio-recording-room glanced into it with curious faces at the sight and sound of the two ice-princes of the air laughing so hard they were struggling to breathe or stay upright on their chairs.

Eventually, the two guys calmed down: Leon slumped over his desk, gasping for breath, while Cloud was wiping at his eyes with breathless giggles.

The blonde looked back at Yuffie to see her mouth turned down in a very stern scowl.

Cloud blinked. "Oh. You're serious."

There was a beep from the console and both males automatically put their headphones back on, Leon still sniggering quietly. Yuffie stood stubbornly by the door, hands on her lips, her scowl getting worse. _No one_ was allowed to ignore her!

"That was '_I still have a heart_' by the new talent Demyx," the blonde said into his microphone automatically, a grin plastering itself across his face when he looked over the desk at Leon, who had his face in his hands, elbows on the table, his shoulders shaking with restrained laughter.

"Sorry, but Squall is currently indisposed and can't talk," smirked Cloud, eying the brunette as Leon leaned back on his chair, hands dropping from his face, the brunette letting out a snort. "Our friend, Yuffie, who works on the show's website, told us that she thought the two of us should get together," the blonde continued. "To say the least, we're amused."

"She's into homoeroticism." Leon had found his voice once again, but he was still smirking rather widely, speaking into the microphone: to all of the people listening around the country. "And thinks that the two of us would look '_cute_' together."

Yuffie had enough of this. She was in the goddamn _room!_ With a angry huff, the teen stomped over, planted herself on the chair beside the other brunette, in front of an unused microphone, shoved on a pair of chunky earphones and flicked the switch of mic.

"Well, you would!" she squawked into the black foam, pouting.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to Yuffie," Cloud smirked silkily.

"Surely you two notice how good-looking each other is! You're stuck in the same room with each other five days a week for four hours a day!" the teen continued as if she'd never been interrupted, her arms crossing over her chest. "Besides! Don't think I don't notice you two going to dinner together sometimes! You're dating!"

"Pizza and beer counts as a _date_ with you?" Leon asked, turning to the teen with a raised eyebrow.

"You go to each other's houses!" Yuffie cried, flinging her arms up in the air.

"To eat pizza, drink beer and play chess," Leon interjected.

"Well, you two could get drunk, and the clothes could start to come off and then you just grab a--"

"_Well!_" Cloud cried into the microphone, cutting the teen off. "Call us up and tell us what you think of homoeroticism, gays in general, or even horny little web-designers who don't have a boyfriend! Here's the new song by the three-teen band Kingdom Hearts." With that, the blonde flicked a switch and yanked his earphones off, the tinny sound of the latest song by the kids Sora, Riku and Kairi floating around the room. Leon and Yuffie both yanked off their earphones again and the teen continued ranting.

"I don't understand it!" she said. "You're both outrageously gorgeous, suck in the room together five days a week, with just about no one watching you, Cloud always wears a tight shirt, Leon, your pants are enough to make someone's head explode, you're both good friends--"

"Exactly," sighed Cloud, running a hand through his spiked hair, slumping back into his seat.

Yuffie blinked at them both.

"We know each other too well to find the other attractive," Leon stated. "Besides, neither of us are gay, or even bisexual. Strife's a pessimistic little shit who finds people being gutted on TV funny, and has a thing for heavy metal."

"And Leonhart is a stuck-up asshole who has a thing for guns, his hair, and won't stop correcting my grammar," Cloud stated with a shrug.

"And yet you two have dinner together," Yuffie huffed.

"Cheaper than buying two pizzas separately," Leon said.

There was the sound of ringing and Cloud placed his earphones back on, flicking a switch amidst the spaghetti-like tangle of wires on the table in front of him.

"Hello, this is Jackie Amber speaking," he said into the microphone. "Large pizza with everything is seven dollars. Oral sex optional with a large drink."

To say the least, their radio-show got a lot of publicity, and many, many calls and listeners. Most were female or gay, since Leon and Cloud's voices in combination were basically like a musician's wet dream; Leon's voice a deep rumble while Cloud's was soft and breathy. Neither of them really minded that much. It was just something to do with their time, and they got paid for it, too.

"Well, it's nearing the end of our reign of terror for another day," Leon said as it was a few minutes to one in the afternoon. Yuffie had disappeared somewhere, but he wasn't worried. He was used to her insanity. She was probably off posting scandalous material on the show's website. "Thanks for all your insight on gay relationships and such."

"Not that we're going to try it," added Cloud from the other side of the table, fingers working away at a half-finished origami-swan. "Squall and I are fine just as mutual enemies," he said, Leon's pseudonym falling off his tongue easily.

"I poisoned your drink," the brunette deadpanned.

Immediately the blonde let out a hacking shriek and fell to the ground with a loud thud.

"See you all tomorrow!" Leon chirped into the microphone.

With a flick of the switch, the show was over for another day and Cloud got back up off the floor.

((END. I really don't know where this came from. Nor what it achieved. But, it was fun to write, so, I guess I don't really need to know either of those two points. Enjoy.))


End file.
